Last night I had probably one of the most fun experiences in my mostly bland life. I went to a gay bar for drag show audition night. Holy shitballs. Where has this kind of fun been all my life?! Seriously.
My brother had rounded enough of us up to go so we could get a reserved table. It was perfect! This bar is small and intimate so really there isn't a bad seat in the house, but we were perfectly positioned between where the Queens come out and the stage. Before the show most of the gals come out and mingle with the crowd and hang with those they invited. My cousin and I both were drag show virgins and were like kids in a candy store. I decided immediately by the end of the evening I was going to be depressed if I had not consumed enough alcohol because almost all of the Queens were beautiful. One in particular though was perfect. Absolutely perfect. She was very tall and had a models body. My cousin and I just could not get over her. Cousin says to my brother, "I want to feel her ass!" So brother says, "Well, just tell her. I'm sure she'll let you." Well, Cousin is super outspoken, but could not bring herself to do this for some reason. So me, being me, stood up at our table and as soon as Beautiful Queen turned in our direction I start waving at her frantically. Like my ass is on fire frantic. I am sure I saw her glance around to try and decide if she should make a break for it or just come over to the drunk fat woman and see what she wanted. In the end, Beautiful Queen heads in our direction. I tell her, "Cousin over here wants to feel your ass. Can I feel your boobs? Also, by the way, you are absolutely fucking beautiful and perfect." She was so flattered and just kept telling me thank you and said that of course we could feel her boobs and ass! Now, it's not lost on me here that we were doing something to this poor gal that we women would absolutely be offended at and probably castrate a guy if they did that to us. However, I couldn't help it. Three Olives Vodka and Bud Select were talking for me. When I have alcohol in me, there is no filter and I am likely to do and say many things that are highly inappropriate. However, I can almost guarantee that you will have a good time if you are with me!
Anywho, from one of the performers who we are friends with, I found out a lot of the secrets to the drag trade. I am fascinated. Absolutely fascinated. I would seriously go to one of these shows every weekend if I could, but alas it's only once a month. Sadness.
Now, on to the kissing a gay boy fun......
My cousin found this guy who was so.damn.hot. I mean, it's a wonder that any females panties didn't immediately burst into flame upon seeing him. She saw him at the bar and chatted him up a bit and found out he was, in fact, gay. I think about a million hearts burst into pieces at that very moment. Anyway, Cousin came back and told me about him and then drug me along to go find him. She was enamored. Once I laid eyes on him, I could understand why. Woweeee!!! So, she talked with him most of the night and danced with him and we all had a great time. I asked him if he realized how many female hearts he broke being gay and he said something to the effect that he was sorry but he just liked dick to much. A man after my own heart, I tell ya. ;-) Anyway, Cousin is a little hottie herself and finally got him to make out with her. I was happy for her. Brother found some cute guy to grind on and make out with. I was happy for him. While I was sitting at our table one of Brother's friends came by and we chatted a bit and I told him I was so depressed cause all of the Queens in the house were beautiful and Cousin had made out with someone and so had Brother and I was left with no one. He leans over and begins to make out with me! Well, being as Three Olives and Bud were doing their thing in me I just went with it. Damn he was a good kisser! Maybe I should sign my husband up for lessons.
So there it is folks. I am a horrible wife, but I kissed a gay boy and I liked it!