That's right. Just shoot my already abysmally low self esteem down to rock bottom. I am not merely fat, but I am officially obese. Fabulous. How in the hell did I let myself get this way? I am 5'3" tall and all through high school and my first marriage I weighed in between 120 to 125 pounds. That is considered "normal" for my height. Even at that time I thought I was fat. Gah! There isn't much I wouldn't do to be that "fat" now.
So, again, I ask, how did I let myself get this way? Well, I would love to be able to blame it on pregnancy or something of the sort, but truth of the matter is, I was already overweight before I even had my daughter six and a half years ago. Also, all during my pregnancy I was extremely sick and actually lost weight instead of gained it. So, yeah, can't use that as an excuse. I could also say genetics is at fault. While this is partly true, the majority of my family is overweight/obese, I can't blame it all on that. I really started picking up weight after my first marriage ended badly. I was not particularly sad about getting a divorce because Husband One was a world class abusive asshole, but he had already knocked my self esteem down so low I figured no one else would want me. I ate to escape having to feel anything. Since then, and that was about twelve years ago, I have continued to gain weight. Luckily I am still under the 200 mark, but not by much!
So, the question needs to be asked, what am I going to do about it? Well, I have started a diet and exercise program. I am using Slim Fast to start off with, but know that it cannot be used forever. I have started off walking one mile a day on my treadmill and doing twenty crunches. I will increase both of those weekly, I hope. I also refuse to weigh in every single week. I know if I don't see the results I think I should weekly I will get discouraged and quit. I do not want to do that. I owe my daughter, and my husband, a healthier wife and mother. So, I am hoping to do a weigh in once a month.
Here's to hoping that in a month I can report a bit of a weight loss!