Not Merely Fat, but Obese

That's right.  Just shoot my already abysmally low self esteem down to rock bottom.  I am not merely fat, but I am officially obese.  Fabulous.  How in the hell did I let myself get this way?  I am 5'3" tall and all through high school and my first marriage I weighed in between 120 to 125 pounds.  That is considered "normal" for my height.  Even at that time I thought I was fat.  Gah!  There isn't much I wouldn't do to be that "fat" now.

So, again, I ask, how did I let myself get this way?  Well, I would love to be able to blame it on pregnancy or something of the sort, but truth of the matter is, I was already overweight before I even had my daughter six and a half years ago.  Also, all during my pregnancy I was extremely sick and actually lost weight instead of gained it.  So, yeah, can't use that as an excuse.  I could also say genetics is at fault.  While this is partly true, the majority of my family is overweight/obese, I can't blame it all on that.  I really started picking up weight after my first marriage ended badly.  I was not particularly sad about getting a divorce because Husband One was a world class abusive asshole, but he had already knocked my self esteem down so low I figured no one else would want me.  I ate to escape having to feel anything.  Since then, and that was about twelve years ago, I have continued to gain weight.  Luckily I am still under the 200 mark, but not by much!

So, the question needs to be asked, what am I going to do about it?  Well, I have started a diet and exercise program.  I am using Slim Fast to start off with, but know that it cannot be used forever.  I have started off walking one mile a day on my treadmill and doing twenty crunches.  I will increase both of those weekly, I hope.  I also refuse to weigh in every single week.  I know if I don't see the results I think I should weekly I will get discouraged and quit.  I do not want to do that.  I owe my daughter, and my husband, a healthier wife and mother.  So, I am hoping to do a weigh in once a month.

Here's to hoping that in a month I can report a bit of a weight loss!